My head’s an interesting place at the moment. I’m second guessing everyone, apart from those on the very inner of the friend circle (and sometimes, guess what, even them too!) It’s a lot easier figuring out who you don’t want to have around you, there’s a very clear equation there. They do something that cuts you deep = don’t let the door hit ya where God split ya.

The real challenge comes with who you allow around you while you pick up the pieces. I’ve made some mistakes here. You realise something scary when you realise that these mistakes affect everything you do after; the list of close friends is a short one and still these people are being second guessed and not trusted as much as they should be.

In truth I realised that I just try to build myself a safety net / emergency exit in everything I do. If something is happening, you can bet I’ve worked out a PLAN B, C, D and E for if this plan doesn’t occur. Even if going through that emergency door will cost me, you can bet I’m going through that door if I need to.

May you have a strong foundation, when the wind of changes shift

And I’d even check and re-check the foundation on a regular basis, if I were you!

I find this quite crap… on this evidence I wouldn’t be friends with me. You’re all gorgeous, mad people and I’m lucky to have you, and rest assured whatever else I’m unsure of; I know that to be the truth.

I’m working on the rest. In a bit.

I’m never leaving the Northwest of England ever again. I said it after Coventry and spent time after that forgetting what I had promised myself, and thinking that the answer once again lay somewhere else. Well bollocks to that. It doesn’t.

Going off to Wales didn’t really achieve much. I took a few pictures of street signs in that funny language of theirs and one of their local folk fixed my chair when the front wheel decided to fall off. I mean, seriously, when the wheels come off you KNOW it’s a Simon holiday. I’ve fallen out of my wheelchair speeding down the ramp (pushed by my Dad, I must add), in Florida before now. Burst tyres… you name it, it’s happened. This time I did what anyone else would do; go with the flow, find a pub with a jukebox and sit there with a Jack and D Coke until it’s funny.

Escape is over rated. I’d be crap going around the world. That being said though, the itch I had to get away is still here. Now I’ve done my toxic friend-ectomy I’ve actually got people around me that don’t need fixing. It’s pretty cool. They are just there for the ride, whatever happens and wherever it takes us – they don’t need my help buying a ticket!

Peace, Love and Soul to you all.

Simon

Okay here it is. I’ve got no problem spending the money I have (once bills are paid) on the taxi I need to get me from here to there. This is the way it has to be because A) the therapy is sorting my head out and B) Ring and Ride is so unbelievably useless at answering the phones I’m thinking the guy in charge used to run ITV phone in competitions. You can NEVER get through.

I’ve absolutely no problem postponing the drug that is Reflexology, so as to free up money that I can use to buy my brother’s birthday present and a card that will both delight and embarrass him. Got to be done. Keep it on the quiet, but I don’t have any problem using the emergency soup stash I have for when a Tesco grocery shop is a wheel to far once in a while.

But I’m now into my third day without a brew, and NOW I’m going to report someone for cruel and unusual punishment. First chocolate*, then coffee**, now tea! They all leave me! I’d find a way to blame this on Gordon Brown but, yes well…

I want a cup of tea damn it. The Tassimo machine is sitting there thinking I don’t love it. The PG Monkey on my window is laughing too but he doesn’t think I see him. Tesco deliver tonight, and then all in this Queendom will be fine and happy again…

In a bit x

* gives me a headache, although Milka does not.

** doctor told me to get rid of that one, but then again the doctor told me I’d be operated on this year…

The things that piss me off list has a new entry today. Recently I was having a drink in my favourite bar and this guy asks if he can sit with me. I say yes and he does. Now, I appreciate a suit as much as any self respecting person and YES it’s nice that you buy a drink. It helps immensely when that drink is a bottle of champagne. All going well so far?

No actually because the man involved had already lost my attention. I asked him where he was from, simple you’d think right readers? It took him TEN minutes to tell me where he was from because he was seemingly unable to give a town. Ten minutes and a London geography lesson later the answer was “the Northants Bucks border”… I don’t know if that was meant to impress, I don’t know why he didn’t just give a town like I expected but he went on and on about this border thing.

 At which point the length of the conversation was widely out of proportion to my interest in it.

 Still, it was my first night out in yonks and even though it will be classed as a disaster evermore, it served a purpose in that it got me out of the house. I’m in the mood for better nights out with better quality company and if I had never met that bloke I wouldn’t have been.

 Even if he was a complete yoghurt.

In a very real sense the last two weeks have been groundbreakingly shit and I needed to let them be shit without feeling the need to explain to all the facebook “see you soon” crowd. It was the second Pre-op Assesment. The first one since the NHS realised that I had fallen off the surgery list. We’re going through it wonderfully well, the doc tells me what is required, what he will do and what it will mean…all looking great until I take my BP. It’s too high. A weekend of booze will do that, but the Nurse says nothing needs to be “on hold” just yet and if I lower the numbers I won’t have to postpone it another month.

Without boring you all, I do the tests, the readings lower and as of writing this (3rd Feb) the readings were lowering. Great news, and just reward for me coz I’ve been so well behaved food wise recently I’ve put myself to sleep with the menu. Turns out, it was all for nothing because the Nurse told us yesterday that she expected them to lower more (she hadn’t told us that, just lower them to below a number, which they were).

Result = Simon has to go on different medication, and the operation is on hold until that medication takes effect. In a month and a half, all being well, I’ll be sent for Pre-Op Assesment number three and the whole merry dance will start again. One very pissed off Glittermonkey. I think that if you ask for results below a certain level, and you get them over the next fortnight, you shouldn’t then change your mind and postpone anway! Think about the people that have been down this road for it seems like well over a year, everyone involved.

I want this operation, this time we were so bloody close I thought for a second that I had jumped through all their hoops. I hadn’t. Cue more tests, more doctors, and a few more hurdles before they do their thing.

Fortunately for them, I do hurdles, that’s my bag baby… I won’t lie it took a day of feeling like shit when I found out but I’m back on it now and I’m not about to let some NHS pen pusher keep denying me. I have one goal this year, and this is it…so Operation Twinkletoes is on. My ankle will be fixed. It will stop hurting. It will look normal and the NHS, well they shall eat my dust….or glitter!

Peace, Love and Soul – Moulty x

Greetings! Moulty towers is once again buried in snow. It’s gone way past being nice, and festive and is starting to be a pain in the arse. Tesco, I’m looking in your direction. If postie’s can get to me, and takeaway can get to me then you can see why I’m slightly peturbed by the blanket descision to stop all trucks, “we might deliver tomorrow night”. There you have it, the Tesco boffins expect the snow situation to improve tomorrow night between the hours of 7 and 9pm. One, as she said, is not amused.

Pre-Op Assesment Monday 25th January 2010.

In other news, every appointment I had this week has been cancelled. Crackin’!

Build a snow queen for me, someone.
In a bit

Moultyx

Happy December everyone!

Between ever increasingly personal therefore shitty therapy, and ever increasingly painful therefore shitty ankle issues I was chatted up recently. I think you could even call it pursued. In fact, yes, let’s call it pursued… By a man who thought he could capitalise on three of my loves – Manchester, Hotels and Shopping. He threw them all in over the course of several conversations and drinks and would have been more than a passing story on this kick ass blog had it not been for his age.

I’m not saying he was old, but he had dibs on Noah’s spare seat on the Ark until the second kangaroo turned up. Denied!

Peace, Love and Disco – Moulty x

Having done the two things I wanted to do for today I must have pissed off someone coz the rest of it went to hell in a hand basket. The MRI did not pick up the phone until 4pm, and I was told an update on Nanna that wasn’t exactly brilliant. Nanna is out of the observation home, but only coz she is back in the hospital because of the chest issues she has had for a while. Everyone reading this right now must send her good thoughts to help her, thank you very much.

It must seem like I’m making the problems of the world my own fault, and believe me I am aware of that. Try as I might to focus on good thoughts and be reasonable about the world when events pile up, the reason I can’t always react reasonably at the moment is precisely why my head is mashed so I’m sorry. I’m making good progress generally, days like this still kick me in the bollocks though and I still find it hard to get back up. It’s not a fancy illness, it’s not what you may call real issues with kids or single mothers or anything but we all have our own stuff.

Thanks to everyone who was around today; hugs go to Steph and family, Amy and even the drummer. Nanna and my Mum and Dad get speshyal hugs. I hope to God someone comes along this weekend. Even Cricket, that was a good thing to focus on for a few days, and I’m not normally a cricket fan. The Ashes is good though.

I love you all, even those I haven’t seen in months are never out of my thoughts.

Peace, Love and Soul – “Penguin”

It’s days like this that my counsellor tries to work the whole non thought stuff on. I’m resisting the temptation to crawl into bed and cry, my Dad was here trying to fix issues and they were fixed until he left. He also tried to get me to focus on any positive, and I know I should, but it’s easier said than done right now.

Bollocks to it all. 

In a bit

Moulty x

Has anyone else discovered that Adobe Flash Player no longer works and the ‘updated player’ doesn’t install? The instructions on how to get around this issue are available to view on their website but I’m buggered if I can make head nor tale of them. It involves re-writing Windows registry permissions or something, and it says the line “If you are not comfortable editing the registry, then take your system to a professional” which freaks me out straight away so I’m going nowhere near it.

Youtube videos, Facebook video posts, and fuck it, good ole porn…all gone unless I know how to re-write computer bollocks!

Not impressed. If anyone reading this has half an idea what to do, get in touch via the usual means and I will bow to your greatness.

In a bit

Moulty x