Hey folks!
I’m in the middle of this thought restructuring thing that the counsellor has given me. She reckons that because I am unable to have a thought without automatically linking it to something negative, I need to work on having happy thoughts, plain and simple. She has a point about the negative automatic thoughts though, because as soon as I tried to clear my mind and think about simple nice things like clothes I felt materialistic and we were straight back to feeling bad. We’ll get there though, as I am always told, this loopyness didn’t happen over night so it will not be fixed over night either.
As well as the colour therapy that I have done recently and the reflexology (which I loooooove) I was asked to think about the last time I was really happy. I came up with two times, one was when I went on a dissapearing act during last year’s PRIDE festival and lost my phone. Me and my friend Taz ended up going into work the next day on about 3 hours sleep, and I looked a mess but we got through the day and I got home, replaced my lost phone and slept. The other time I was really truly happy was sometime around coming home from Liverpool back to Bury. Either sitting there with my Daniel talking absolute shit and listening to music at about two in the morning, or being around family and realising that they were round the corner now and it wouldn’t be so much of a struggle anymore.
Didn’t know then, what was gonna hit me and knock me down did we? But I’m getting up slowly and surely. I don’t think I’ll be the same person in a lot of ways, the changes I have made have made me happy and they’re not the kind I can or want to go back on. You only come out once in your life!
We can rebuild. We have the technology.
Peace, Love, Soul
Simon
